Trusting Your Widow Intution to Make Better Decisions
In the midst of suffering and heartache, you might find it’s incredibly hard trusting your widow intuition.
When you’re navigating life’s myriad of choices without the support and guidance of your partner, decisions are daunting. It’s unfamiliar and intimidating to rely on your own intuition to make decisions.
Listen in as I explore how to trust yourself using your intuition and discovering how it speaks to you. I’ll also share five practical methods to tap into your intuition and find the answers you seek when faced with life’s crossroads.
Listen to the Full Episode
Connect With Us
- Are you searching for emotional support, practical advice, and guidance on navigating widowhood? Join us in the Widow Squad membership.
- Follow us on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel.
- Get all the widow wisdom you never knew you needed including exclusive content sent right to your email Inbox. Sign up here.
- Join our private Facebook group here.
Episode Transcript
I know that many of you are suffering right now. You feel swallowed by the suffering and the hurt that you’re facing every day, but I think it’s important to look for the good.
As simple as that sounds, look for the good.
There’s something there. It can be tiny. It can be a tiny part of your day. But finding the good means finding some peace. So, I made this post, “Tell Me Something Good,” and I wanted to share some of these responses that I got from some widows in the group.
Here they are in no particular order.
Finding the Good: Stories of Resilience and Joy from Widows
Maria wrote and said that today she is going on her first date since she lost her husband three years ago. Wow, Maria, that is huge. Let us know how it goes. I’m dying to know. She cleaned up, picked up her grandson from school to get ice cream and made dinner and walked her dog. She says today was a win.
Carol got a puppy. She posted the sweetest, most adorable picture ever in our Facebook group.
Laurie had a birthday on August 2. Happy birthday!
April booked a holiday for her and her son and her parents. Nice.
Rosie baked cookies with her granddaughter, and Terry lost ten pounds. I’m so jealous. All good things. No, great things. And I love hearing these things. It’s so important to acknowledge them. So, thank you all for sharing.
Today we’re talking about making decisions. As widows, we spend years with our partner there by our side, helping us make those big and small decisions, and now we’re on our own. It’s an unsettling feeling to rely on just yourself to decide everything. Big things like, should I sell my house now? Or small things like what color should I paint this wall?
It doesn’t matter what it is. It’s just always nice to have someone else there to bounce ideas off of.
Trusting Your Widow Intuition: Navigating Hard Decisions
I want to talk about relying on ourselves and trusting ourselves to make good decisions. To know what’s best for us, and how to rely on our intuition to help guide us through life. This can be tough for some people if you’re a very logical or practical person like I am. But so many of the choices I made after Brent died were based solely on intuition, which a lot of us are not used to. But we need to trust ourselves more.
There’s a quote I want to share with you by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
“as soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live”
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. When you’re overwhelmed and stressed and experiencing the effects of grief, making decisions can feel impossible, right? There were so many times when I couldn’t even make a decision about what to eat. I’m talking about really basic things here. This is the life of a widow. You reach a point of exhaustion, and you can’t even think straight. You can’t even remember if you showered that day.
Some days are lighter than others as far as what you have to do and what you have to decide. And then other days are extremely heavy with the burden of choices. When you face those days, when you face those really tough decision days and you’re feeling lost, that’s when we can lean into our intuition for guidance.
So in today’s episode, we’re talking about five different ways to tap into this fabulous inner resource we call intuition. Intuition is a special guidance that’s unique to you. It’s unique to everyone, and it allows you to make the best choices for yourself. Think of intuition as a connection to your soul, a vehicle for God or the Universe, or your spirit guides to talk to you. When you ask your intuition for help or insight, you’re tapping into your spirit and seeking its wisdom and its guidance. Some people also refer to this as divine intuition.
When we say listen to your intuition, what does that really mean? What does that feel like? How do we know if our intuition is working for us? I know most of us wish we could just have the answers handed to us. We want our intuition to be obvious and scream at us and say, “okay, Jennifer, stop crying. Here’s exactly what you need to do. So do this and follow these steps and you’re going to be okay. Okay?” We just want someone to tell us what to do because we don’t want to think about it, right?
But intuition doesn’t work that way. It’s much more subtle than that. Intuition can come to us in so many forms. Our intuition communicates with us in so many ways. Here are a few of the things that we need to pay attention to when it comes to our intuition.
The first one is definitely one you’ve heard before. It’s an inner voice. This is that still, quiet inner voice. We all have our normal internal chatter that happens all day long. But when we can quiet the noise and the chaos and become still and focused, that’s when we hear those whispered answers that we’re looking for.
The second one is your dreams. This one is very common. A thought, an idea, an answer, an insight comes to you in a dream. This is, of course, you’re lucky enough to get some sleep in the first place.
Three, your intuition works through your emotions. Intuitive information very often comes through our feelings or emotions. It’s that gut feeling that you have about something or someone. You may simply feel right about a certain action that you’re about to take. Or the opposite, you get a bad vibe about something or some place.
Four, we actually feel physical sensations when our intuition shows up. Think about how your body feels about certain decisions. You might find that your body feels heavy if a decision you’ve made is wrong. Your body may feel light or energized, or you get chills if it’s on the right path. These are moments that might actually take your breath away. It’s those moments that we’re looking for.
Five, is when something hits you like a ton of bricks. It’s instant knowing. Oprah calls these AHA moments when you suddenly realize something. It’s like a door opens up before you and you have your answer right in front of you. You might get a sudden flash of insight or understanding. I sometimes call these heart flutter moments.
And finally, number six. This is coincidences and synchronicity. Have you heard this saying before? Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. I love that. And it’s true. Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. When you experience these coincidences and synchronicities, that is your intuition, and it’s leading you on the right path. Have you been thinking about maybe selling your husband’s car and then your neighbor’s son turns 16 and they’re looking to buy a car for him? It’s that kind of thing that I’m talking about. So, pay attention to those coincidences. Okay? These are the different ways that our intuition presents itself to us.
Ways to Tap Into Your Widow Intuition
And here are five ways that we can tap into our intuition when we really need it. This is all about keeping our hearts and minds open to receiving that help when we need it.
#1: Meditate for inner guidance
Calm your mind. Focus on your breathing. You can add to it by saying a mantra or a word or a phrase that makes you feel calm and relaxed, like “I feel peace,” or “I feel calm.” This is mindfulness at work. Slow down. Slow the thoughts that are spinning in your head to clear your mind of all of that clutter, even if it’s just a few minutes we can take to ourselves. It’s so important that we allow that space for insights, for creativity and intuition to emerge. And this is such a simple exercise that we can do that can give us the answers that we’re looking for. Or something that I always did every single day was a walking meditation. I always find this helpful if I’m really upset or frustrated or anxious about something. So, can you think of a place you can go to walk in a peaceful setting? The beach was always my go to, but maybe there are some hills or mountains near you just to be out in nature, to calm yourself by focusing on the present moment as you’re walking, think about your decision or the dilemma that’s on your mind. Weigh out some of your options. Really tune into how you feel. There’s such an amazing connection between the action of walking and thinking about things at the same time. It’s precious time well spent.
#2: Ask questions of your intuition or the universe or your husband or God
Ask for help from anyone out there who will listen to your plea, including yourself. Does this sound silly? I mean, maybe it does, but I do this all the time. Maybe it sounds silly. Maybe some of you do this too. I don’t know. It just seems like it always works for me. So, you want to frame your question so that it’s not just a yes or no answer. You want to aim for more of a detailed response from your intuition, not just yes or no. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. You can say, and this is stuff that I used to say to whoever can hear me right now, “what in the world should I do about XYZ?” Fill in the blank. Angels and anybody out there, “what’s my best course of action for…” and then fill in the blank. Or, “God, what can I possibly do to improve my relationship with…” and then fill in the blank. Is it your father-in-law? Is it your mother-in-law? Another one is “hey, universe, what’s the next right step for me to take about this? I need a little help here.”
This is also where an intuition journal can come in really handy for jotting down these insights and answers. The information might come as images or feelings, words, or phrases, and you just want to write it all out. Whatever comes to you, whatever comes to mind. Don’t try to censor your answers. Don’t leave anything out. Write whatever you feel. And this intuitive insight might not come to you right away. You could be on your walk asking the question, and it might come way later in the day, or even the next day, like when you’re driving home from work or out walking the dog, or when you’re doing mindless things like doing the dishes. Intuition sometimes pops into your mind when you least expect it. So, keep this journal on your nightstand, because a lot of times those insights happen in a dream and you don’t want to miss it. And you don’t want to forget it either.
Following Your Enthusiasm: How Your Intuition Guides You
#3: Pay attention to your enthusiasm
Pay attention to what you feel excited about or interested in. That’s a clue from your intuition. The root of the word enthusiasm originates from the Greek word enthous. The literal meaning is inspired by God’s essence. How beautiful is that inspired by God’s essence? When you feel enthusiastic about your dreams or enthusiasm about something that you’re passionate about, it means that God or the universe or your angels or whoever is speaking through you and saying yes to that path. Let’s say you’re contemplating a new job or something smaller. Are you thinking about buying concert tickets for yourself to see a band that you like? Listen for the ideas and thoughts that feel interesting, that have a good energy, that have a higher vibration, or that excite you. Those are the ones to follow.
#4: Notice how a decision makes you feel
Think of a problem or a decision or a challenge that you’re facing now. Think of one possible course of action. Then say to yourself, okay, my decision is this. Think about that decision in your mind as you go through the following checklist of questions to ask. Do I feel excited or energized about this decision? Do I feel open to making this change? I know I have other choices, but does this one feel right? Is this the right time to act on this decision? Does this decision feel right in my gut? If I close my eyes and think about this decision and the outcome, do I see a positive image? Okay, so when you go through those questions, did you answer yes to the questions? If so, great. Your intuition is guiding you and giving you a clear go ahead to take action. An example of this could be deciding where to send your daughter to school. This was always so difficult for me to do on my own. I hated making that decision on my own. I had to narrow down the schools, go and check out the schools and the teachers and picture if she would be happy there. I had to notice my gut feeling when I was there. So a lot of this was based on that.
Let’s say you go through this checklist of questions, and you answer “no” to a lot of them. Let’s say this scenario is selling your husband’s boat or motorcycle or car. This is not a decision that you’re going to be happy about. You will not feel energized or vibrant about getting rid of the clothes in his closet. You’ve maybe contemplated these decisions and you know that it’s the right thing to do and you feel like the time is right for you to make those big changes, but it still doesn’t feel good. This is normal. Remember that a decision can be the right decision and still not feel good. Let me say that again. A decision can be the right decision and still not make you feel good. We’re going through unwanted changes, and of course this is going to make you sad. Of course, this is going to make you feel a little anxious. These are all changes that we didn’t want, and it wasn’t a choice.
I remember when I decided to finally sell our boat. I kept our boat for over a year after Brent died and never took it out for a ride. Never, not even once. So I knew that I needed to sell it. My gut was telling me to sell it, and it was the right thing to do, but it still felt terrible. I cried the entire way to the boat place to sell it. I cried all day. It was a good decision for me, but it felt horrible. When we’re faced with those types of decisions, we can stop and ask ourselves, is there any part of this decision I can change or modify or adjust that would make me feel more comfortable? Let’s say it’s going through your husband’s clothes. Maybe you keep some of his T-shirts. Maybe you keep some of his favorite sports shirts or things that he loved and not get rid of everything. Like for me, selling the boat, I kept the keychain that had the boat keys on it. It was this funny little stupid keychain that said, get in, sit down, shut up, hold on. And I could picture Brent walking around with those keys, so I kept it. It was this little piece of that memory that I wanted to hold on to.
Intuition Works Best with Positive Self-Talk
#5: Practice positive self talk
It’s so easy to fall into the negative talk spiral when we’re grieving. We start with things like, I can’t do this on my own. I’ll never be able to figure this out without him, or I don’t know what to do, and I can’t decide this without him here to help me. I could probably list at least 20 more sayings like this that I told myself pretty much daily. But just remember that what you say to yourself on a regular basis becomes what you experience in your life. So be aware of this inner dialogue that’s happening in your head. Is your self-talk full of negativity? It’s normal that it is, by the way. You’re grieving, you’re sad, you’re distraught, you’re disconnected. You’re full of self-doubt. All normal. All normal. But your intuition is there to help. Your intuition is there to help you create a life you love, a life that is best for you. It can more easily guide you in the right direction with a little positive encouragement from your self-talk.
Here are some examples of positive self-talk:
- I know I’m going to do the right thing and everything will fall into place.
- I am strong and capable and wise, and this will all work out.
- My inner wisdom is always available to take the right next steps.
- Every day I am feeling wiser and stronger than I did the day before.
- I’m open and receptive to new ideas and creative solutions.
- Please guide my thoughts, my words, and my actions.
Okay, I hope you found this helpful. Let’s do a quick review.
Your intuition will reveal itself to you in several ways. It’s that inner voice. It’s through our dreams, our emotions, the physical sensations we feel in our body, those coincidences that happen all the time.
And the five ways you can really tap into that intuition are:
- Meditate. Quiet your mind to hear that inner voice talking to you.
- Ask questions to your intuition, to the universe, to your spirit guides, to your husband. Ask anyone who will listen to your plea for help.
- Pay attention to your enthusiasm.
- Notice how a decision makes you feel.
- Always practice positive self talk.
I know that making decisions as a widow is such a big struggle, so I wanted to do this episode to show you that you’re not alone.
You do have an inner guide. Your intuition is there, and it’s always accessible to you. That’s the beautiful part about it. We know what’s right for us, always.
We just have to learn to trust ourselves again and to be confident in those decisions.
